A Chinese American boy named Kevin was in my class two years ago, when he was five. He was sweet and soft. Sometimes he could be annoying, as he did not want to do any work in the class, but to chat with me. I talked to his mom, and his mom did not seem to care about what happened to hime that much. She told me that they had the tutor at home for the boy, and she believed the boys are meant to be tough even when they are young. I could tell that Kevin wanted to be hugged and cared, but he did not seem to get it from mom. Obviously, dad was too busy with the work to take care of him. Two years later, this year, I heard that Kevin’s mom died, and everyone worried about Kevin. However, I overheard the conversation between the P.E. teacher and Kevin, which made me really sad.
I was walking past the gym, and the P.E. teacher was taking Kevin’s class back to the classroom. Obviously, Kevin was not behaving well in P.E. class, so the teacher was telling Kevin that if he did not behave in P.E. class, he will talk to his mom. Kevin looked at him, talking back to the teacher straight aways: “ No, you cannot, because my mom died!”. I could tell the P.E. teacher was shocked, and did not know what to say to Kevin. He saw me, and whispered to me to confirm if it is true that Kevin’s mom died. I nodded. From that conversation I knew that the P.E. teacher was not informed of the death of Kevin’s mom, and Kevin has realized the truth of his mom’s death. When he told the teacher that, I did not see any special facial expressions from Kevin. He seemed to be really calm and quite. He seemed to state a truth that has nothing to do with himself. I felt really sad and sorry for Kevin. I went up to Kevin, stroking his hair, and smiled to him. Kevin saw me, and he started to smile and gave me a hug. I did not what to say to him, and I just wanted to ensure that he could feel there is still someone there to help and support him.
I believed that situation could be totally avoided. Teachers are supposed to keep each other informed of the children’s situations. The classroom teacher has the responsibility to communicate to the other teachers who work with the child to let them know what happened. In that case, the teachers will know what they can say, and what they should try to avoid. I think collaboration is also about keeping everyone on the same page to make the communication with children more effectively. Meanwhile, I remember he liked to chat with me a lot, and I kind of know why now. Kevin does feel that he is invisible to others. His mom did whatever she considered to be good for Kevin without spending time communicating with Kevin. Dad never has time to talk to Kevin. Kevin is taken care of by mom, maids and drivers at home. As it was stated in the media segment, children need to feel respected and accepted for who they are, and heard (Laureate Education, Inc.2010). He wants people to know his existence. He made that statement probably because he did not want people to still think he is invisible. He made a strong statement to prove his existence and to draw people’s attention. I do not know why Kevin’s dad tried to hide the fact of the death from Kevin as long as he could, and he wanted the school to keep it as a secret. I think the best way for Kevin is to help him face the truth and give him more attention and therapy to support him to walk out of the sadness. I do believe Kevin’s dad needs to be more collaborative with school to build the trustful relationship with teachers and the school to serve Kevin better. With the collaboration among teachers, and the trustful relationship between the school and the family, the communication with Kevin will be more effective than it was, and Kevin can have more support from teachers and the family. Meanwhile, both teachers and the family need to acknowledge the existence of Kevin to make his voice heard.
The communication interactions that I observed will definitely affect the child’s feelings. Kevin would feel hurt because people did not acknowledge the death of his mom. He would feel not respected and valued in school. Meanwhile, he would feel no one cares about him, because no one knows what is going on in his life. He would feel being neglected by both his family and the teachers. He will be in hope of love and care from people to make him feel he is still loved.
What I have learned in this week is plentiful. The observation that I had this week reminds me of the moments that I was dominating the conversations without listening to children. I realize that adults are easily dominating the conversations, and we are supposed to step back to listen to children’s voices and ideas. We need to put our agenda aside (Stephenson, 2010). Children will surprise us with their creative ideas and responses. I should say I used to do it a lot to dominate the conversations to lead the children to the paths that I designed for them. I should be more open to their ideas and creativities. Meanwhile, I also learned that we should encourage children to speak up to share their thinking, and use their own ideas to solve problems in the classroom ( Pierson & Johnson, 2010). The last but not the least is about the communication among the adults who work and live with children. Colleagues at school and parent at home are meant to work together to build up a positive partnership to serve children better. We need to keep everyone on the same page, as we all want the best for children.
References
Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). (2010). “Communicating with Young Children” (Video webcast). Retrieved at https://class.waldenu.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_2652530_1%26url%3D
Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90-95. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=37131016&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Pierce, J., & Johnson, C. (2010). Problem solving with young children using persona dolls. YC: Young Children, 65(6), 106-108.
Xiyue, this was an amazing post, and I could feel Kevin throughout. First of all, you made a tremendous difference to Kevin. Your eye contact at a time of need made him feel secure and cared about; the hug was the icing on the cake for you. Like you, I have learned to listen. I teach adults how to teach children to listen, and yet, I was not truly listening enough to encourage total communication. I have learned that listening is only one part of the process. There are times that we will need to wait, giving adults and children the chance to think before they respond. I used to ask a particular student a question, and then, if I did not get an instant response, I would answer for them presuming they did not know the answer. Now, when I wait a bit, I understand that children will answer. “Being prepared to do this, and to relinquish my own narrow agenda, allowed me to hear other messages, messages that often were not related to the questions I had been considering” (Stephenson, 2009, p. 90). This is true not only for children, but also for their families.
ReplyDeleteThere may be many reasons for Kevin’s dad’s silence. He might not understand the importance of sharing with Kevin’s teacher; he might not understand how to communicate. Yet, Harris (2005) stated “even silence may communicate something to another person, whether the sender intends to do so or not” (p. 82). Since Kevin is so young, I would hope his teacher tries to reach out to Kevin’s family to become culturally aware. The importance of family involvement and listening to families does not stop in preschool. Then again, if the teacher is not listening to what Kevin’s dad is or is not saying, the communication has no value. “Communication is a process and the best message is useless is no one is listening” (Harris, 2005, p. 83). I wonder if it would be appropriate for you to share your knowledge about Kevin. I know that sometimes teachers are uncomfortable in this situation, and there might be a power play between a previous teacher and a new teacher, but in this instance, any additional information about Kevin can only help Kevin.
Thanks, Xiyue, for sharing. I always enjoy reading your blog postings and gain such a distinct perspective. I have learned a lot from your sharing Kevin’s story. Thank you.
References
Harris, J. (2005). Is anybody out there listening? Exchange. 82-84.
Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90-95.
Hi Sissi,
ReplyDeleteI felt sad when I read your post. It reminded me of some situations in my school setting, that when parents got divorced, they didn't tell their children's teachers, which made it very hard and complicated to deal with children's emotions. Like what you said, collaboration between teachers and parents is very important as teachers need to be informed any updated information that could affect children's overall development, not to mention the most important person died in one's life. It brought up many thoughts to me and thank you for sharing your observation moment.
Lufei
Hi Sissi,
ReplyDeleteYou truly had an amazing experience. Although Kevin had his mom and dad and his dad was too busy, he had you to be that special person in his life. You were the one he could talk to and come to when he needed a hug. After his mom past he still looked to you for that support and loved that he needs. The teacher should have known about the parent death that way he would have known not to make that statement. It may have hurt Kevin that he mother past, but it hurts him more because she did show him the love and support he needs as a child. The teachers had no communication, the parents did not have conversations with the child but the child had you as someone he could look up to, be loved and supported. Xiyue you are the teacher that matters in Kevin's life and he will continue to look up to you in the future.