The competent communicator

Jing is my cousin, and I always like how she communicate with others. I believe the way she communicate with others brings her many true friends. Here is an example of how she communicates with others. 

One day, we went shopping together, and sometimes you have to bargain when you shop in China. Two of my other cousins went with us together, so there were four of us. Jing was furnishing her new apartment, so she was looking for some new curtains to go with the furnitures. We were at the curtain selling area, and we started to look around. All the sellers tried to talk to us to draw us to their shops, and finally we went in a shop with the curtains of her preferences. We went in, looked around, Jing had the eye contact with the owner, and they smiled to each other. I saw that, and all of a sudden, I felt a relaxing and friendly relationship has been built between Jing and the owner. While we were looking at the materials and the styles of the curtains and talking about our thoughts of the qualities and colors of the fabrics, the owner went up to us and started to introduce the materials and the styles. Jing was not saying anything, but listening to what the owner said, and after a while, she looked at the owner, repeated what she said about the material, and asked questions to the owner. In this way, back and forth, Jing gradually had an idea of what materials would be good for her curtains and what color and style would be suitable to match her furnitures. During the whole conversation, she was an active listener to listen, paraphrase, and ask for the verification. The communication between the seller and Jing went really well. When it was time to discuss the price of the curtains, there was some intense moments. The seller asked for a price that all my cousins thought was a ripe off. My other two cousins started to bargain for Jing, and they used loud and aggressive tones to show their anger of being ripped of. Meanwhile, the seller felt that she was attacked, and she started to argue back to say why she asked for so much. Before the seller could finish her explanation, my two cousins stopped her and were ready to take off. Jing stopped the intense conversation with a soft and calm voice. As China is a country with touch culture, she held my cousins’ hands to show them to calm down, and meanwhile, she turn to the own to give her a smile to say“ Let’s start to talk again” in a friendly tone. Since she stopped the intense conversation, and opened a new one, everyone seemed to calm down to sensible manners. Then Jing started to bargain, instead of using loud and harsh words, she used soft but clear words to show her positive intention of making the deal with the owner. On the other hand, the owner was much softer in her temper and started to have real conversations with Jing. Jing bargained, and the owner compromised. In the end, they made a deal without aggressive words or actions.

Jing’s eye contact and smile were the good start to give the own the nice first impression on her, which was the base for the success of the business with a decent price. She listened and asked the questions which meant that she had the interaction with the owner. It gave the owner the picture that Jing was interested in shopping in her shop. It encouraged owner to give more details of the materials and qualities. When Jing calmed down all the others, she used a soft but strong-willed tone to show her sincere to owner that she wanted to have a deal with the own, but the price was not that reasonable. Soft but strong-willed voice and tone was a signal to owner that she wanted to shop here only with a reasonable price. Jing was not aggressive or loud, but she has strong personality. I believe all those helped Jing make a good deal of the curtains with the owner.

What I thing will be good for me to become a more effective communicator in this scenario are the positive body language, correct grammar, the control of the situation, and listening. Eye contact and smile are the best tools for us to make friends and loosen the intensive moments. They also give out the signals that the respect and value we hold for the speaker. What’s more, active listening is a way to build up the relationship with others. Listening to others, paraphrase what others said, and make the verification. In this process, we processed the information that we get from others to form our own understanding, and then we propose our own opinions or questions. It is a great way to make the conversation go on. Last, it will be better for me that if I can control the situation of the communication, so I can make sure everyone is on the track, and I will know when to stop the communication, when it goes off the track.